Quick thought Courtesy of Oscar Wilde

So, this should just be a pretty quick post, because I just read something amazing and I just kind of have to write about it!  So, I recently started reading The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.  So, I am only a little way in considering I've only read what I could on the way home from the bookstore.  Anyway I love Oscar Wilde.  He has a way of commenting really well on society and how people really feel.  And I just read a quote today that completely sums up my feelings every time I post something here for anyone to read.


"I will not bare my soul to their shallow, prying eyes.  My heart shall never be put under their microscope.  There is too much of myself in the thing, Harry-too much of myself," (Wilde 13).  


Now, luckily, the people that have been reading this blog are all friends of mine.  So, I'm not quite as worried about "shallow, prying eyes".  However, anytime you put something out there, there is an instinctive fear that it will not be well received. I know that if I write something I put myself into it, pretty completely.  If I didn't, I wouldn't feel like I wrote something worth reading.  


Anyway, that's about all I got.  Just a quick thought and a cool quote from a really good book.


Bye,
Chris  

Hurtful Comments and a Regret

To be honest, this post kind of makes me a little bit nervous to write, and definitely to post.  Because, this post is going to be a little bit about baring vulnerability, which is generally not my favorite.  However, I feel like this is a story worth sharing.  

So, earlier this year, I made what I would consider a big mistake.  Don't worry, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't all that serious.  In fact, to anyone else, it wouldn't have meant anything, however to me, it is something that I seriously regret.  

Now, this all kind of stems from my own insecurities.  When I was younger I never even considered my appearance.  When I payed attention to how I looked it was more along the lines of, "I'm wearing a pretty skirt, so I'm gonna spin around like a princess."  It never occurred to me that people could be judged for how they looked.  I guess I've always been pretty naive.  As I got older I suddenly began to notice how much importance everyone seemed to place on looks.  And I realized that I had absolutely no concept of how I compared.  I didn't know how to figure out where I was supposed to place in a world that suddenly seemed to be about how I looked.  In general, I mostly just settled for ordinary.  There really wasn't much that would make me stand out for my looks, and as for the flaws I saw, I could generally just pretend that they weren't important to me.  

Then, when I got to college, I was definitely going through a time of trying to find my place.  I met some really great friends, but I also became friends with a few people who would turn out a little less than great.  One friend in particular ended up being partly responsible for what I regret the most out of my freshman year.  

I can't entirely blame her for my mistake.  The problem was not as much what she did, as how I reacted to it.  Now because I have such a confused view of how I see myself, comments about my looks have a tendency to hit pretty hard.  Especially when they come from someone who I thought was my friend.  One day, we were doing what groups of girls usually end up doing when they are bored, which is try on clothes for completely pointless reasons.  I tried on one of this particular friend's dresses only to have her comment that she never though that anyone could make such a "sexy" dress look so childish.  These comments continued throughout the next couple of weeks.  Comments about how, no guy could ever like me without feeling like a pedophile because I look so young and don't have much of a figure.  I know, great friend, right?  She basically tried to convince me that the only way I would be attractive would be if I dressed in a more revealing way.  Now, yes, she was being cruel and manipulative, but there was no reason that I should have listened to her.  Unfortunately, I did.  I let her pick out an outfit that was way more revealing than I would ever choose myself.  It was not something I was comfortable with and it just wasn't me.  

In the long run, this isn't the biggest mistake in the world.  What does one outfit matter in the grand scheme of life.  It doesn't.  And yet, it totally does.  Because the one thing that I have always prided myself on is the fact that I know what I believe in and I follow it.  I trust in myself, I don't dress to attract attention in order to cover up insecurities.  That is not who I want to be.  I don't know if I would have noticed if a friend of mine hadn't mentioned that the shirt I was wearing didn't seem like something I would normally wear.  In that moment I realized that I had compromised myself in a way that I never wanted to do.  

So, where am I now?  I don't always know.  I still don't always know where I am supposed to fit in on the beauty scale.  And, as much as I wish they weren't, a lot of those insecurities are still there.  I think a lot of us just have those days when we just don't feel confident.  The one thing that I have realized is that whatever I'm feeling or wherever I think that I stand on the beauty scale I cannot accept changing who I am.  I know that I need to value myself more than that.  

I also realize now that I can't put as much value on what other people say.  And all I can say is that I'm trying.  I'm still greatly affected by how I think people perceive me.  But I am trying to stop that from making the decisions.  If I can't completely prevent how I feel because of those comments, I can at least control my reaction to them.  

So, I can tell you this.  While I may not be able to promise that the girl you are seeing loves every single thing about herself, all of the time, I can promise that I won't be changing any of it.  

That's all,

Chris

I'm here to kill your boredom!

So, I do a lot of weird things when I'm bored.  And I really don't care that they could technically be considered really weird, because they are really, really fun.  So, the next time you are complaining because you have nothing to do, here's a guide for entertaining yourself my way. 

Watch bad movies: Yes, there is something to be said about watching a good movie.  You know, something with a plotline that makes sense or whatever.  But personally, I think watching a bad movie wins, hands down, any time.  Now, I'm not just talking movies that you watch and "Hmm, that was kinda bad."  No, I am talking about movies that are so awful that they are fantastic.  Movies that you finish, and your only response can be, "What the fuck did I just watch" (That was for you Adam).  How do you find movies like this, you ask? Here's a hint, if the back cover says "based on the Belgian cult TV series" you probably found the right movie.  Here are three particularly terrible yet awesome movies. 

• Rubber: Now this movie is kind of the epitome of "What is happening right now?"  Here's the basics you need to know.  This movie starts a tire with psychic mind powers.  And like any innanimate object gifted with power, it decides to use these powers to kill.  Specifically by exploding people's heads.  This movie, while probably being the sequal to Christine, you know, the creepy Stephen King movie about the killer car, also features the weirdest subplot in the history of subplots.  Because, while this tire is busy going on its murderous rampage and falling in love, there is an audience watching.  This audience watches the action through binoculars, and fights against the actors who are trying to kill them so that they don't have to finish the movie.  I swear, that was the best way I could explain it.  It also features on of the best lines ever:  "It's not the end, he's been reincarnated as a tricylcle!"
• A Town Called Panic: So, I just watched this movie last night and I have to say, it might have been the best thing I have ever seen.  It is the stop-motion story of three plastic toys who go on a journey featuring a giant robot penguin, a parallel water universe, some weird pointy headed people, an adorable romance between two horses and lots of other wacky things that I don't know how they came up with.  I would seriously reccomend it!

Ride Elevators: I know, you're probably thinking about how dumb that sounds.  But don't laugh if you haven't tried it.  See one summer, my friend Catie and I were on a trip with our church together.  We had a half hour to kill in this hotel which happened to have about 35 floors.  This meant it had the best elevators in the world.  So, naturally, we spent that entire half hour riding the elevator.  If you are wondering how that possibly entertained us, here is a list we compiled entitled: "Things to do in an Elevator"

1. Spend over a half an hour at a time riding up and down and up and down and up and down.....

2. Play Go Fish, or any other card game (it really entertains other riders)

3. dance (esp. in a glass one)

4. ride sitting down....it's really cool!

5. Jump up really quickly when the doors open so no one catches you sitting down

6. make friends, or complement people (people generally ask what you are doing if they've seen you about 12 times in the same elevator, you might as well be friendly)

7. Go on a rescue mission (even if they apparently don't need rescuing)

8. Accidentally shut a guys hand in the door (I don't reccomend this one, it's really scary!)

9. Apologize for the next 10 floors to the poor guy (although it apparently didn't hurt)

10. Kill time

11. Scope out each floor for possible hide and seek spots
It can be a really good time.  We also tried to see how it would feel to lie down while riding, but someone always caught us mid attempt. 

Go on an adventure: If I am bored, one of my go to plans is to go somewhere and explore.  I don't even really care where exactly I am exploring.  All you have to do is wander, and see if you can find something cool.  Now if you explore a neighborhood, there isn't quite as much you can find without tresspassing.  However, you can make friends with lots of adorable cats/dogs who might also be outside.  If you explore a park or other area with some quantity of nature, you can have a really good time.  On one occasion, I found a secret waterfall in the back of a park I had been going to since I was a child!  If you want to make this even more interesting, you can always bring a camera and take weird pictures.  I have killed probably over an hour exploring one of the dorms and taking picture of weird stuff written under the stairs, weird signs, ect.  Trust me, you can make it into a good time. 

Act like a child:  I am a big believer in that growing up is seriously overrated.  Now I understand the value of maturity when you are contemplating your future, working in a job or on your schoolwork, but if you are just trying to entertain yourself, why not act like a kid?  Playgrounds, tree-climbing and hide and seek are all really good ways to have a good time and get off of whatever you are sitting on to stare blankly at the wall. 

Try and accomplish a really trivial goal: We spend so much time trying to achieve our huge dreams of successful futures, however we choose to define them.  This means that we often don't have time to learn random useless skills.  For example, I have always wanted to learn to walk on my hands.  This means that for most of this school year, anytime I was bored I would start trying to do handstands.  I don't have scheduled practice times for this, I have way too many other things I have to worry about scheduling.  However, if I'm bored, time to handstand it up. 

There are so many things to do in the world, there is really no reason for anyone to be bored.  So get out there.  Paint the sidewalks purple, practice fainting dramatically, choreograph a swordfight, just don't waste time being bored.

Have fun,
Chris

A Little Less than According to Plan

So, one thing that I believe in really strongly is flexibility.  I don't mean weird yoga, fold yourself up and fit inside a shoebox type of thing.  I mean the ability to not let crazy, unexpected situations ruin your day.  Now I'm not going to claim that I am perfect with this.  I'm not saying that I don't have the occasional mini-tantrum (usually in my head) when something just isn't working out the way I want.  However, on the whole, I would say that I am pretty good at not letting weird complications bug me.  And, I kind of have to be, because nothing I ever do goes the way it is supposed to.  Part of that, is because I have literally the worst sense of direction of anyone, anywhere.  If I am going somewhere I plan on getting lost at least once.  Sometimes it's really not my fault.  Parma Circle, if you haven't been there, is not a circle at all, it is a mess of tangled streets that form an evil hell dimension.  Anyway, my point is that I'm pretty used to plans going terribly, terribly wrong.


So here's some of my experiences with the less than according to plan:


When I was in the eighth grade I participated in my first Greater Cleveland Solo and Ensemble Contest.  In this contest, young musicians prepare solo's, duets, trios, quartets ect. so that they can be judged and given a rating 1-5.  1 meaning really, really awesome and 5 meaning maybe you should switch to a different instrument.  It's a pretty terrifying experience, especially when you are 13 and super nervous about playing in front of people.  With the help of my band director, I prepared a flute duet with one of my friends.  During our warm up time, exactly 5 minutes on the clock from when we would have to go to our performance room and play, I suddenly felt the keys slip on my flute.  I looked down and the bottom four keys were suddenly no longer attached.  And I can assure you, it is impossible to play without them.  Amazingly, my middle school self actually did have some maturity deep inside, and instead of breaking down into hysterical tears like I wanted to, I went out on a mission to find someone who could fix my flute so that we could compete.  There was a random guy in a suit talking to a group of students in the hall.  Usually I would be very terrified about interrupting a random group of people, but I was a little desperate.  The guy in the suit, who luckily turned out to be a music teacher, took pity on me as I approached looking like a deer in headlights as I clutched the broken pieces of my flute.  For the record, anonymous suited man, you are my hero.  This guy put my flute back together with a mechanical pencil.  A mechanical pencil.  And it worked perfectly.  I wish I would have had the time to ask him how he did it, but I was kind of on a time crunch.  So I thanked him, bolted for my performance room and actually did pretty well.  Not only did we get a 2 which is pretty good for my first performance, but the first comment on our score sheet was, copes with pressure well.  Not too bad.  


There was also my AP Physics test.  Now in my school district, AP Tests are taken in a nearby town's rec center.  This meant that we needed to somehow get from school to the rec center in order to take the test.  If you are me, that means barely making it to the test.  Why? I'll give you a hint, it has to do with my complete lack of an internal compass.  So, the day started off according to plan.  We reviewed for most of the morning, which didn't exactly leave me in the most positive state of mind.  I was pretty sure I was about to fail on a pretty epic scale, but I was prepared to give it a shot.  The problem arose when I tried to drive to the rec center with my best friend.  So, in my mind, I knew exactly where I was going.  Of course, that really means that I was going the complete wrong direction.  So, somehow, I ended up in this development with street names that all had to do with Robin Hood.  Which, was cool, but considering those streets formed a labyrinth that seemed bent on keeping me from getting to a main road, I was a little less than enthused.  Every time I thought I had found a way out  something made me have to turn around.  Dead ends, construction, it was ridiculous.  Eventually, of course, we did find our way out.  I have never been so happy to see a main road in my life.  Something which every car driving past realized when we started to scream and celebrate.  Either that or they thought we were insane.  Who cares, the moment called for some joy.  We even made it to the rec center in time for the test!  The crazy part though was that before we got lost, I was completely freaking out and feeling pretty negative. But after we got lost, it was as if we had already gotten through the hard part.  The joy from finding a main road carried over into taking the test and I didn't do too bad.  In fact, I would bet that if our journey had been completely uneventful, I would have done significantly worse. 


These are only two examples of times where it looked like total disaster had struck.  However, I am incredibly grateful that things turned out the way that they did.  If nothing else, it gave me two great stories.


That's it for now,
Chris 

Blood, Fainting and my 10 Year Old Self

I've mentioned, I think a couple times now (sorry for the repetition) that part of my goal for this blog is to teach myself to be more comfortable sharing my thoughts about things.  Going along with that, I decided to write a post sharing a part of me that I used to desperately hide.  

I come from a family of fainters.  Let's face it guys, it's true.  Blood and guts just aren't our thing.  I grew up hearing stories of the ER nurse who didn't know if she should help my father with the bloody gash on his head, or my Grandma, who was on the verge of passing out from the sight of the blood.  For all of you who might be interested, our little problem actually does have a name.  It is called a Vasovagal syncope.  It is thought to be genetic.  

Now this is more than just a fear.  When I see blood, I hear a rushing sound in my ears.  My limbs feel weak and I start to shake and feel sick.  If I cannot get myself calmed down I will start to see black spots and then pass out.  I sometimes get this same effect from listening to injuries being described, watching gory movies, or having to undergo medical procedures.  Luckily I can generally stop this from happening.  Generally it depends on how focused I am on the blood.  If I dwell on what I am seeing, or have to listen to a detailed account it is extremely difficult to keep myself from reacting and starting to feel faint.  However, if I can focus on something else, or remove myself from the situation when I start to feel uneasy, I can usually keep myself from actually fainting.  

Now this may not seem like too big of a deal.  Well, it is when you are ten and the boy sitting next to you staples his finger and you wake up staring at the legs of your desk.  It is a big deal when no one in your class has ever seen anyone pass out before.  

In all honesty, I really have to hand it to my fellow fourth graders.  For a bunch of ten year olds, they handled the situation with surprising tact.  There were a few comments, quite a few stares, but in general, the whole situation was dropped pretty quickly.  The poor boy who stapled his finger felt terrible.  He even went out of his way to hide his bandaged finger from me as an apology for showing me the bloody staple so excitedly.  

No, the problem was more inside my own mind.  I was so ashamed of the fact that I was at all different from the others in the class.  I felt like a billboard had announced my biggest weakness for all to see.  I don't know if I knew the word vulnerable back then (although I did know an exorbitant  amount of big words for my age) but that's definitely how I felt.  So, I made up my mind that no one else would ever know.  

With the exception of my best friend, I didn't say a word about my fear.  This went on even to the point of slipping of to the bathroom instead of going to the clinic if I thought I might pass out for fear of attracting attention.  

However, as years went on, it seemed like less and less of a big deal.  I slowly told a few other friends.  Now most of my friends at college know about it.  It is something that is a part of me and I don't feel the need to hide it anymore.   Besides, it is something that they generally need to know to understand why I don't want to watch a marathon of Saw or listen to elaborate stories about how they've broken bones.  And have I been ridiculed?  No.  Have I been tarred and feathered and forced to watch open heart surgery?  No.  And have I lost a single friend because of this? No. Part of not being ten any more means that I am mature enough to realize that everyone has weaknesses and they do not have to be hidden.  

This is what I would consider a final step, as it were.  I used to be afraid to tell anyone, now I am defying that.  In a few minutes I will post this blog and even put a link up on facebook.  I pass out at the sight of blood.  And now, I am ok with people knowing this.

As always, thank you for reading!

Chris 

Why I started this blog....only a few posts late

Hi guys,
So this is a kind of short little post because I just realized something that probably should have gone in my first entry.  Which is one of the big reasons I started this blog.  However, being as my brain sometimes decides to function in a very illogical and out of order way, I didn't actually realize this until part of the way through these first two days of blogging.  


I realized that one of my problems is that I have so many things that I really care about and that I am really passionate about.  But I don't share this with people.  When someone asks for my opinion about something I tend to fight a battle against my uncertainty.  It is as if I think that if I feel too strongly about something, that people will judge me or not want to be around me.  And yeah, they might.  What I can't figure out is, why do I care?  I mean, it really doesn't make sense for me to put more value on the way other people see me than the way I see myself.  


Take for example, my first college choir concert.  I hadn't been a part of a choir since sixth grade, but when I got to college I decided to try out because I had sort of missed it.  And I really enjoyed it.  I like to sing, and this was the first time that I got to learn to read choral music.  However, half-way through the concert I realized that I was trying to hide my own enthusiasm for the song we were singing.  I was afraid to sing too loud, or even smile while I was singing.  For some reason I felt like if I showed too much enthusiasm the stronger members of the choir would resent me, or the audience would think I was showing off.  And then I realized, why should I care?! Was I really to the point where enjoying life was something I felt I had to censor for fear of causing offense? 


That was my wake-up call.  I have no desire to hide what I am passionate about any more.  Because frankly, I don't want to live a life where I give up what I truly care about because of fear.  Even if that means letting go of some of this worry over what others think of me.  


Yeah I know, this isn't exactly "Sounding my barbaric yawp to the rooftops of the world" or anything (points for you if you understood that reference) but it's a start.  


So there you have it.  Why I started this blog....only a few posts late.
Chris

I Finished my Freshman Year so Now I Think I Know Stuff

Well Hi,
So I've recently realized that I am kind of addicted to blogging now.  Five blog posts in one day might be a little excessive, but I have to start somewhere, right?  I figure I will ride this wave of creative inspiration for as far as it will go and apologize now for the time when it will inevitably slow down a bit.


So, I recently completed my freshman year of college, so of course I now know everything.  (And by I know everything I mean I know slightly more than I did when I started).  I still really don't know much.  Regardless, I did learn some really amazing lessons thanks to the people that I met and the things that I was lucky enough to experience.  So, hopefully without too much self-importance, here is what I learned from my freshman year of college.

• First of all, the way you choose to view something determines how big of a crisis it really is: So my freshman year I lived in a rather interesting dorm.  I think you'll understand the character of that building pretty well just from this experience.  One night, my roommate and I are asleep, when suddenly there is a huge crash.  Being in such a sleep deprived state I woke up crouched on the opposite side of the bed holding my pillow in front of me like a shield.  (Ok, it wasn't my most Buffy-like moment, but in my defense I was only half-awake).  I looked towards where the crash came from to find a very large shadowy figure hanging half in our window.  Apparently, he was looking for his friends room (our neighbor). My humble request to those who like to break into windows as pranks, count the windows correctly! Don't terrify two poor sleeping girls! My point? Most people would agree, this is a legitimate crisis.  I mean, terrifying experience aside, he totally broke our window!  However, the only thing we could really do was laugh.  Because it really was a funny experience. And it makes a really good story! Sometimes, it's really just better to let things go and view them as good stories, instead a crisis.  (However if this happens to you, you should also probably follow my other advice and find different dorm for next year!

• Walking can solve just about anything.  A note to my sarcastic friends, no a walk will not bring about world peace, put out forest fires and it is probably not the best solution if you've just fallen down the stairs and broken your leg.  However, for normal stress-related, writers block, crazy amount of homework, lack of focus, average issue a good walk can do wonders.    I don't know about you, but if I am worried about something, I have a tendency to run my brain into circles over it.  Walking for me, gives me a physical action to match the pace of my thoughts.  And without fail, when I stop walking and return to my room, my brain calms down too and I can either solve my problem or let it go.  

• It's totally not a bad thing to act like a total child.  I've kind of never had a problem with that, but this year definitely reminded me of this fact.  Some of the most fun that I had this past year was acting like I was still in elementary school: Capture the flag, hide and seek, chalk, going to playgrounds.  There is nothing wrong with acting like a kid.

• If you actually tell people what's going on, they are often surprisingly willing to help.  Now, you can probably guess, I'm not really good at talking to people about things that are bothering me.  However, this year I realized how willing to help true friends are.  And, as painful as it can be to actually reveal so much to people, I also feel better for finally getting it out.  

There were tons of other lessons too, but I think it's about time I wrapped it up for now.  Don't want to give the impression that I am suddenly some sort of expert on life now.  These are just a few lessons that I learned.

Thanks for reading guys,

Chris

When I say I'm a Christian, it Doesn't Mean that I Hate You

So, this is a slightly more serious issue.  This is something that has really bothered me for a long time, and so I would really like to speak my mind about it.  I apologize if it turns out a bit rant-y.


Now I identify myself as a Christian.  It is an important part of who I am and how I choose to act in this world.  I consider it a part of me that is a personal choice and that I value.  The problem comes from two main sources and I would like an opportunity to address both.


But first, for anyone who is wondering, this is what I believe as much as I believe in anything.  I make no claims that I am some kind of expert, that I know what is right or what anyone else should believe.  I don't want anyone to feel as though I am trying to tell them what they should believe.  I am just trying to share my perspective.  I believe that because I am a Christian it is my duty to extend love to others that I meet.  It is as simple as that for me.  If I want to be someone who is truly deserving of grace, and really someone who is truly deserving of being a human being.  I am alive and frankly my life is pretty good and for that I am extremely thankful.  And because I am thankful I believe that I should try my best to help those that I am around have a happier life.


And what that belief also entails for me is a lack of judgement.  I have a complete belief in the fact that I am NOT perfect.  I hurt people, I am careless, I make mistakes and so I have no right to tell anyone else that they are sinners and that the way they live is wrong.  Because to be frank, how in the WORLD would I know how to live the perfect life? So where would I get the right to tell other people how to think?  Most of the time I'm not even entirely sure what I think.  With every experience I have my opinions about the world change, because I am given the opportunity to see more of it.  And, I think that is how it should be.


However, in our current society, most people assume that because I am a Christian, that I am judging them.  That I hate people for being homosexual or for any number of other reasons.  And it is simply not true.  First of all, I don't believe homosexuality is a sin.  Second of all, even if I did, I have no right to force others to believe that.  I am leaving the judging in the hands of those wiser than me (and trust me, by that I don't mean politicians).


So what am getting at here? I have two requests.  I would be a hypocrite if I framed them as anything else.  I can't force you to accept what I say, I only ask you to hear me.  


First, to those that preach hate, I am begging you to look at the image of Christianity that you are sending out to the world.  Put your personal beliefs aside for a moment and look at those that are hearing you.  Do you want to be remembered as someone who drove people away or welcomed them in?


Second, to those that think that because I am a Christian that I am filled with hate, extend the same tolerance to me that you would like in return.  I offer you no judgement and I wish you would do the same to me.  Religion is about a lot more than hate.  I just ask that when you see me, do not make assumptions about what I believe.  


If you want to know, ask me.  If you don't, then don't ask me. If you disagree with me, that is your right.  I'm not asking for everyone to believe what I believe.  I know that I am no expert.  All I ask is that you see me as a person and for what I believe, not what anyone is "supposed" to believe.


Thank you,
Chris

The Most Terrifying Experience of my College Life: (or a story meant to teach you to try new things).

So, I admit, this post could totally be taken as an attempt to impart some sort of moral lesson about new experiences and the benefits they can provide.  And yeah, in a way it sort of is.  But don't worry, you have absolutely no obligation to take any kind of lesson from this.


So what is this new experience that I tried? That would be my first ever theatre class.  What is a person who gets nervous having a conversation doing in a theatre class?  I'd like to say it was a bold decision to defy fear, but to be honest my motivations practically screamed comfort zone.  The class was Shakespeare and Performance.  Now, I have always loved Shakespeare, and understanding it has always come pretty easy to me.  So, when I read the course description I immediately thought that it would be a class that I would enjoy and probably be pretty good at.


I kind of neglected to realize that since it was a Theatre class I was probably going to have to do some acting, something that completely terrified me (and still does to be honest).  In fact the entire basis of the course was editing, preparing, discussing and performing two of Shakespeare's plays Macbeth and 12th Night.  The class also happened to be full of incredibly talented theatre majors who I was incredibly intimidated by.  Ok maybe I should have read the fine print.


The first challenge was discussing and editing the two plays so that they could be performed in under an hour.  This meant lots of group discussions, which meant I had to quickly get over how intimidated I was by the others in the class.  However, the more I ventured to share my opinions, the more I realized that my experience reading Shakespeare actually gave me an advantage within my group, even though I had no actual theatre experience.  


Unfortunately, when the cast lists came out, I somehow ended up cast as not only a witch and narrator in Macbeth, but also as Lady Olivia in 12th Night.  Seriously? Stick the terrified girl with no acting experience in not one but both plays? I'd like to say that I was totally mature and accepted this terrifying prospect with grace and confidence, but no, I ranted and panicked to my poor future roommate who didn't laugh at me nearly as much as she should have.  


But what's the real point in this?  The point is that I survived.  And I not only survived, I really enjoyed myself.  Because even though I was terrified, there was something more.  See, Shakespeare is something that I am really passionate about.  And performing two of his plays allowed me to understand them on a level that I never have before.  It was worth overcoming my fear so that I could throw myself completely into something that I cared about.  


I'm not saying that I didn't shake like a leaf throughout the performances and I'm not saying that I am in a rush to be back on stage. However, the lesson that I guess I am advocating (if you choose to accept it) is that sometimes passion can trump fear. 

Me as Lady Olivia

Girl Power and the real reason I Started Martial Arts

So, I may not be the most aggressive person in the world, but I am still a firm believer in girl power.  We girls can kick ass, and some of my most treasured childhood heroes were the perfect examples of this.


This may have contributed to one really important part of my life: martial arts.  I joined an Isshynryu Karate class for most of high school in an effort to better handle confrontation.  When I got to college I joined the Jiu Jitsu class offered there, which on a side note, was probably one of the best decisions of my life (maybe I'll write about that later).  Anyway, my point here, is that I love martial arts and they have been extremely influential in helping me gain confidence.  However, I really can't deny the real reasons that I started martial arts: Mulan and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  

Photo courtesy of: http://lauratobin.webs.com/mulan.gif

When it comes to Disney Princesses, there is no one who is cooler or more badass than Mulan.  No one even comes close! Mulan lived in a culture where the way to honor your family was to make a good match.  To be quiet and obedient and "know her place".  You can complain all you want about restrictions and discrimination against women in our culture- I won't deny they're there.  But Mulan had all the same restrictions and about a million more and she saved China.  What's your excuse?  Not to mention she participated in some truly incredible musical training scenes. I can't even deny the fact that I watched Mulan about once a week as a child.    

Photo courtesy of: http://www.mikethefanboy.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/1120330742_1883557605_bio-tvography-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-lf11.jpg

Now Buffy manages to combine amazing fighting skills, sassy comments and a general sense of a commitment to what's right.  She never lets a challenge throw her.  Vampires, demons Buffy beats them all.  Not to mention she has some truly amazing fight scenes with moves I wish I could pull off. 

 

I can't lie, when I was younger I wanted to grow up to be some sort of combination of the two.  I wanted to have Mulan's convictions and singing ability with Buffy's awesome fighting skills and sassy comebacks.  I may not ever end up fighting vampires, but at least I do know some cool fighting moves.

Anyway, that's all the rambling for now.

Bye,

Chris

Introverts: The Good the Bad and the Awkward...

Hi guys,


So, what better way to kick off a blog about my thoughts as an introvert trying to overcome her fears than addressing introversion itself.  Besides, I feel like I should at least start with something more focused than the rambling that may make up some of the posts to come. So here it is, the good, the bad and the awkward of being my introverted self.


The Good:

• First of all, I don't care what you say, when it comes to drama, the introverts have the right idea. Now throughout my freshman year I can say that I've witnessed drama over anything from Marching band rehearsals to I really hate to say it, Facebook statuses.  Lucky for me, I can usually stay on the outside of these dramas, watching, laughing, possibly muttering a few sarcastic comments.  
• Second, if you don't talk constantly about every single thing that is on your mind, generally people listen when you do talk.  (this is assuming you talk loudly enough that they can actually hear you)
• Third, if I am able to open up to someone and talk freely with them, then I am an extremely loyal friend.  I think that I value my friends more because I takes time for me to trust them.  

The Bad:

• Small talk.  That's really all I have to say.  It was clearly designed by the devil to torture me. 
• When I am around new people it's not that I don't want to talk to them, it's that I can't seem to find my voice.  For some reason I just completely freeze up in front of new people and suddenly there is nothing but white noise in the normal conversation section of my brain.  
• Last, people have this tendency to think that introverted people either hate them or are stuck up.  I promise, it's not you, it's us.  If I could think of something to say, I can assure you, I'd say it.  

And.... The Awkward:

• Talking on the phone is pretty much impossible....just saying.
• Getting up the courage to talk to your crush only to have him say "You know you are really quiet" (Welcome to my high school career)
• Repeating yourself 10 times because your voice suddenly decided that volume is optional.

So there you have it.  Introversion summed up into a three neat little lists for your convenience.  I can feel your gratefulness.  

Bye,

Chris 

Hello World of Bloggers!

Hi anyone who happens to be reading this,


So here's the deal. At first, I really didn't know where I could possibly go with a blog.  I mean, I may love to write, and the idea of writing about things I care about definitely appeals, yet, I still wasn't completely convinced I could write anything worth reading.  Ok, to be honest, I'm still not sure I can write anything worth reading.  But, I want to write and this seems to be a great way to do so.


"Why the title of the blog?" you ask, O imaginary reader I just created in my mind.  Well, "A Friendly Introvert" is more than just a title I picked in hopes of grabbing your attention (although I am hoping it did).  I picked this title because it sums up one of my most basic goals.  I am in my truest sense, an introvert.  I fear small talk the way some people fear spiders, or drowning.  It used to be that I couldn't talk to anyone.  However, I've made some strides.  I am well on my way to becoming a friendly introvert.  Someone who may be a bit shy, but who can still hold a conversation and reach out to people.  So this is the place, for my musings, thoughts, stories and hopefully, my journey to becoming a much better version of an introvert.


Thanks for reading!


Chris