Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Why I started this blog....only a few posts late

Hi guys,
So this is a kind of short little post because I just realized something that probably should have gone in my first entry.  Which is one of the big reasons I started this blog.  However, being as my brain sometimes decides to function in a very illogical and out of order way, I didn't actually realize this until part of the way through these first two days of blogging.  

I realized that one of my problems is that I have so many things that I really care about and that I am really passionate about.  But I don't share this with people.  When someone asks for my opinion about something I tend to fight a battle against my uncertainty.  It is as if I think that if I feel too strongly about something, that people will judge me or not want to be around me.  And yeah, they might.  What I can't figure out is, why do I care?  I mean, it really doesn't make sense for me to put more value on the way other people see me than the way I see myself.  

Take for example, my first college choir concert.  I hadn't been a part of a choir since sixth grade, but when I got to college I decided to try out because I had sort of missed it.  And I really enjoyed it.  I like to sing, and this was the first time that I got to learn to read choral music.  However, half-way through the concert I realized that I was trying to hide my own enthusiasm for the song we were singing.  I was afraid to sing too loud, or even smile while I was singing.  For some reason I felt like if I showed too much enthusiasm the stronger members of the choir would resent me, or the audience would think I was showing off.  And then I realized, why should I care?! Was I really to the point where enjoying life was something I felt I had to censor for fear of causing offense? 

That was my wake-up call.  I have no desire to hide what I am passionate about any more.  Because frankly, I don't want to live a life where I give up what I truly care about because of fear.  Even if that means letting go of some of this worry over what others think of me.  

Yeah I know, this isn't exactly "Sounding my barbaric yawp to the rooftops of the world" or anything (points for you if you understood that reference) but it's a start.  

So there you have it.  Why I started this blog....only a few posts late.

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