I'm sort of going on another rant here, but only because it's ok, because I fully admit that I am guilty of this to. See, I had this conversation tonight that really made me think. Someone who I really care about mentioned that that towards the beginning of this year, he was convinced that I would hate him. Now this is someone who means a lot to me so it was kind of strange to even think about hating him. It certainly was never a risk. However, when I thought about it, I realize how often I do the same thing.
See, all the time, for absolutely no reason, I just assume that people aren't going to like me. For example, earlier in the year I tagged along with a friend to meet this group of people in one of the dorms. Now, these people I would now consider good friends of mine. However, at the time, I managed to convince myself that all of them hated me. And I have no idea why. I just know that I was convinced they were going to think that I was invading their group, or they would think I was weird because I didn't have much to say. I know that it's normal to be nervous meeting people, especially if you are me, but I took it way past where I needed it to be. I realized that I was so convinced that they wouldn't like me, that I often guarded myself around them. I would sometimes even resist being friendly, or reaching out to them because I was worried it wasn't my place. Whatever that even means, I don't even really know, it was just what was going through my mind.
And the thing is, I still do this. I still just assume that things that I say or do are taken the wrong way. I still assume people that I meet must have a bad impression of me. It has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. I don't judge this based on how they act towards me, or how friendly they are. It is all based on what I assume in my head. And, you know what? I think it is about time that I try to stop this.
Because, when I realized that someone who means that much to me went through this but about me I got a completely different perspective. I don't want anyone to feel that way about me, especially the people that I care about. And if I say that, then I can't excuse doing it myself.
I'm not saying that I am going to assume that everyone loves me. What I am saying is that it is about time that I and all of us give ourselves a chance. A chance to be around people and be liked. Or maybe not liked. Whatever the case, it's about time that this issue got out of our head's and into reality. When we assume that people don't like us, we act as if they don't and that can really hurt the chance to get to know some really awesome people.
So, I'm done creating reality in my head based on negative thoughts. I'm going to try really hard to not assume and just have a great time with the people that I care about. Because I don't want anyone, including myself to have to feel that way.