Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Future....(insert panicked scream here)

So, yesterday I journeyed to Hiram for the morning to meet with one of the professors to talk about switching to an Integrated Language Arts major, which would mean I would be certified to teach English for grades 7-12.    I am really excited about it, but, since I generally make things pretty complicated for myself for no reason, it was a really hard decision.  And for the record, I know there are several of you who may be reading this that I freaked out to, and I want to thank you guys so much!

So, I came to Hiram fully expecting to double-major in Religious Studies and English.  I was going work in some aspect of a church or nonprofit.  However, along the way I realized that the politics of religion were just not something that I could handle.  And of course, instead of realizing this and calmly looking to find a solution for what I really wanted to do, I completely freaked out.  I was so scared to admit that I had been wrong about what I wanted to do.  I was afraid I was going to betray everyone's expectations of me.  Which, for the record, I use people's expectations to put way too much pressure on myself anyway.  

However, in the midst of the completely freaking out, I was thinking of some other possibilities.  My parents had suggested teaching, since English was not something that I wanted to give up.  I thought a lot about it and it seemed like a pretty good fit.  

See, I am kind of obsessed with English.  I love to write, hence this blog, and I also just really have a love for words.  When the really amazing authors write, they are able to capture humanity on paper.  Somehow, they are able to put those indefinable things that all of us feel but can't put words to, and actually express them.  So, if I were able to talk about this kind of stuff every day, I would be pretty happy.

My main goal, however, is and has always been, I need to find a job where I can help people.  If I cannot wake up every day and know that my life means something, and that other people are able to have a slightly better life because of what I am doing, then I will not feel as though I am truly accomplishing anything.  And, I realized, if I teach I can help people see the value of my passion and hopefully their lives will be a little bit better.  In addition, I will have the opportunity to fulfill one of my lifetime goals, and join the Peace Corps.  One of their biggest branches is education, and so I would have the opportunity to study what I love and then use it to help people.  

After a lot of freaking out to several people, I realized that it wasn't a bad thing to change what I wanted to do.  Luckily, I have a lot of people in my life who told me that they would support me no matter what, and agreed that it sounded like a good fit.

So, this fall, as long as everything goes according to plan, I will declare and Integrated Language Arts Major.  And with any luck, next time I have to change my future plans, I'll do it a little more calmly.

Thanks for reading,


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